One Chip Challenge (Don't Do It)
If something comes in a cardboard coffin and has a skull and crossbones on the cover and the description says death in it a few times, don't eat it.
Having said that, I ate it. The Pacqui One Chip. For the cool price of 19.99 you too can get yourself one of Satins fingernails. Seriously though, it's just one chip that looks like a black Dorito, 20 bucks. Not worth it. So why the fuck did I do it? Here's how it went down.
Myself, and two of roommates were trying out a new restaurant and carefully trying not to exceed the acceptable amount of beers one should drink on a Tuesday. During our meal one of my roommates announced that his wings were, "smokin hot". "Bullshit, you're a pussy" I said. I demonstrated this by reaching across the table to his plate and helping myself to one of those zesty little bone out chicken wings. I looked him in the eye and popped it in, and realized immediately that it was more hot than I could handle. I didn't show it a bit. "Weak sauce", I said while thinking to myself how long I had to wait to drink my beer without sparking suspicion of my deceit. Just in the knick of time my other roommate stepped in and announced some shit about a chip. At this point I had lost my hearing and my vision was slipping, I reached for my beer and sipped deeply, back in action. "Yeah it's over 2 million scovilles (a measurement of spice)". "What is?" I said. "The chip I've been talking about you idiot", he replied. Unimpressed, I continued to drink my beer and ignore his chip talk. Finally he said something that got my attention, and he knew it too. "Yeah I don't think it's very easy to eat an entire one, I don't think you could do it." he exclaimed while looking me in the eye. That was all it took. "I'll tell you what, you buy the damn chip and in return you can watch me eat it without shedding so much as a single tear." We had struck a deal. Realizing that my mother would be disappointed in my lack of inclusion, I turned to my other roommate and said, "you have to eat one too." "Fuck yourself", he said. But I saw curiosity in his eyes, he was eating the chip for sure.
So a few days later, after we had totally forgotten about the damn chip, it arrived. What ensued is captured in the following video.
Don't eat the god damn chip, it's not worth it.