Costco Beef Dogs Are Finished
The only reason I ever endured the towers of bulk raisins and canola oil was to order a 100% beef dog with ketchup, mustard, and self served diced onions. I would grab my favorite Costco card holder and tell them to go shopping at Costco. While they bought bullshit bulk items for their girlfriend I sampled everything under the sun whilst sparking up conversation with affluent middle aged women. Finally after my card holder had gotten enough Kirkland Vodka, red wine, and dried mangoes to keep his girlfriend happy and sexually generous for the next 6 months I would depart from the wretched line and head to the pizza/hot dog stand. Once there I would slap 6 quarters on the counter, sometimes I would have to order verbally, most times, they knew the drill. A beef dog with a 20 oz. drink, a buck fifty on the dot.
Today however, I got fucked by the man. I spent 45 minutes in that damn store while my friend tried to decide which gloves his girlfriend would like better, the black pair or the silver pair (the only two options). When he asked me I said, "I think pink would be best", knowing they didn't have pink. While he chewed on this I made a loop looking for samples. Due to covid there were no samples, but some bald guy was willing to cut some shit with some knives while I watched in an attempt to sell me a set. After watching his performance I informed him that I wasn't a Costco member and therefor couldn't buy the knives, sweet knives though. Finally my card holder wheeled his cart full of bulk to the checkout stand. As we approached the line he turned to me and said, "I really hope I got the right color of gloves". To this I responded, "Someday another man is going to have sex with your wife while you watch." I turned and bolted for the hot dog stand.
Same drill, a buck fifty on the counter, beef dog in my hands. The ketchup and mustard came in to go containers due to covid, this I can live with. I unwrapped my dog and went for the diced onion dispenser, nothing. I decided to fill my 20 oz drink with Diet Pepsi and then get to the bottom of the onion issue. I filled it up once, drank half of it through that bullshit straw that disintegrates too soon and then refilled it. I went back to the counter grasping my unwrapped dog and diet coke to seek help regarding the onion situation. After a fake cough to get the cooks attention he said, 'Hey man what's up?" With 10 ounces of diet coke in my belly and a hankering for some beef dog I asked, "Hey can I get some diced onions"? His eyes said it before his mouth did. "No onions man". Stunned, I said nothing. I turned to see my card holder waiting for me patiently near the exit. Emotionless and defeated I blew right past him and marched to the truck. Once in the truck I explained to him the onion situation, he didn't think it was a big deal. Fuck that guy, I hope she wanted the black gloves.